Love

I'm not in it. I'm not worried or anything...frankly I think I'd be a little worried if I was, lol. I've known this guy for a week. Not even.

Never the less...I definitely LIKE this guy. A lot! Like...a lot lot LOT. I'm almost a little nervous about just how much...

I'm at the point where I wanna be with him all the time. Today is the first day we haven't seen each other even once. And it feels almost wrong o.O I want him to spend the night at my place...not so we can do anything, but just so that he doesn't have to be elsewhere.

Is that normal? Does it happen that fast for other people? I don't know...someone compared it to a Disney romance today. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing...but it just feels so wonderful.

I'm nervous about what'll happen. One week of amazingness doesn't mean it will stay that amazing. What if we get bored of each other? We're so similar... What happens when we do sleep together? The realist in me knows it'll likely happen, lol. Having never had sex myself before, i'm super nervous i'll make a fool of myself -.- Of course he hasn't either, I guess that's a good thing? It's so weird...never thought I'd be the one with the experience in a relationship...I may not have gone all the way...but i've lost my clothes before with a guy. I've watched porn, masterbated, sexting, roleplaying sex scenes. I know what turns me on. I dunno if this guy will know what to do. Sort of sad in a pathetic way. I was hoping to lose my virginity to someone who knew what he was doing, you know?

I guess we'll find out. In theory...what if we don't even get that far?

Never having been in a relationship, I've never really...fought before. i don't get into fights. Except with my brother. And in that case, we'll snap and yell at each other, avoid each other for a little while, and then sort of pretend nothing ever happened. We don't need toe words sometimes, we just learn and move on. Would that be how it works with this guy too?

I don't even know what we would fight about...I dunno yet about him, but I'm not a fighter. I hate fighting, I'm not really competitive...gah, I dunno!

It's so weird...I don't want to think about the future at all at this point. I don't want to think about a possible break up. I don't want to think about it working out and us getting married someday or something.

So i won't. I won't think about it. For now, the furthest ahead I'm thinking is what we'll be doing this week. And maybe Skiing this winter and a roadtrip to Disney World next spring. I dunno, we'll see.

Still...I know I'm not in love yet. For me...you know you're in love when the thought of not being with a person is devastating. I'm not there yet. i've known the guy a week. If it ended tomorrow, i would be sad I guess...dunno if I'd even cry honestly. I'm a little to able to cope with loss in that way... So no, I'm not in love.

But I have a feeling that I may end up loving this guy eventually. And that scares me to bits.
~Emmy